A therapist’s gender can be a significant factor for some individuals seeking therapy, while it might not be as crucial for others. There are a variety of reasons why someone may seek a therapist of the same gender or a different gender, or may not have a preference either way.

Reasons gender may not be as important of a factor for choosing your therapist:

• You are seeking a therapist with very specific availability or skills. As the list of specifications increases, it may be harder to find a match. Removing gender from the list may help you find a therapist better matched in regard to other important factors.
• Recognition of unhelpful biases. While you may have a preference, sometimes those preferences come from unhelpful biases. 
• Type or format of therapy (often related to patient age). We treat a variety of ages at Stony Run. The younger the patient, the greater the likelihood that they will have limited or no interaction with their therapist despite their involvement in appointments. When treatment is grounded in PCIT or behavioral parent training, a child’s gender preference for their therapist may be less of a determining factor for matching your family with a therapist. 

Reasons to work with someone of a gender you find more comfortable:

• Cultural and religious beliefs. In some cultures or religions, there are specific norms and rules related to interactions between genders. This may lead to important considerations for the gender of your therapist. 
• Comfort and cultural awareness. Some people may feel more at ease with or understood by a therapist of a particular gender and this might be important for building trust and establishing a strong therapeutic alliance. People from historically marginalized cultural groups sometimes benefit from being matched with a therapist who is from the same group.

Reasons to work with someone of a gender you might find less comfortable:

• Child discomfort with a particular gender. If social anxiety is a concern for your child, it can be an asset for them to work with a therapist who has a gender they are less comfortable with. This is because appointments might involve therapeutic opportunities for your child to practice social bravery.
• Growth. If your symptoms might be amplified in the presence of someone of a particular gender, matching you with someone of that gender could present meaningful opportunities for growth. At Stony Run, we have learned that some of our patients experienced healing in unexpected ways by developing a strong therapeutic relationship with someone of a gender they initially felt uncomfortable with.  

When to discuss your preferences

If you have a preference for a therapist of a particular gender, it’s essential to communicate this preference when seeking therapy and exploring possibilities. Our goal is to assist you in working with a therapist who is skilled, experienced, and empathetic while also matching based on the specifics of your therapy needs. During your first appointments with a new therapist, it’s a good idea to share preferences you have in relation to style and, throughout therapy, to provide regular feedback about what you appreciate about your therapist’s approach as well as any changes that would be helpful. If it’s uncomfortable to share critical feedback, that’s okay – it may be a good growth opportunity. It can also be valuable to proactively develop a plan for how you and your therapist will approach challenging interpersonal situations that might arise, such as if your therapist is “getting it” or “getting you.”

Troubleshooting issues of connection or fit with your therapist

Whether related to gender or not, it’s always a good idea to discuss any concerns you have about connecting well with your therapist. At Stony Run, our first response will be to appreciate your openness and our second response will be to explore the changes you need – whether they be changes to our style and approach or a change in therapist